Frank Ocean writes an open letter to discuss his first love, revealing that it was with a guy.
There were reports that surfaced earlier this week by a bloggerthat had heard Frank’s upcoming ‘Channel Orange’ album. The blogger claims that there were at least 3 tracks on the LP where Frank sang about being in love while using the word, ‘Him’ instead of ‘her’ and she commended him for being so honest.
Yesterday, in the wee hours of the morning, Frank Ocean posted a letter to his tumblr titled, ‘Thank You’s’ as confirmation that there was some truth to the rumors. In the very powerful open letter, that was written in December 2011, Frank detailed a story of meeting a guy when he was 19 and eventually falling in love with him. It was his very first love and that love is what inspired the lyrics of quite a few of his records. He also reveals in the ‘Thank you’ letter (that may very well be included with his album) that he doesn’t have any secrets that need to be kept anymore and he now feels as though he is a free man.
Read it in it’s entirety below
Whoever you are, wherever you are… I’m starting to think we are a lot alike. Human beings spinning on blackness. All wanting to be seen, touched, heard, paid attention to. My loved ones are everything to me here. In the last year or 3, I’ve screamed at my creator. Screamed at clouds in the sky. For some explanation. Mercy maybe. For peace of mind to rain like manna somehow. 4 Summers ago, I met somebody. I was 19 years old. He was too. We spent that Summer and the Summer after, together. Everyday almost. And on the days we were together, time would glide. Most of the day I’d see him, and his smile. I’d hear his conversation and his silence.. Until it was time to sleep. Sleep I would often share with him. By the time I realized I was in love, it was malignant. It was hopeless. There was no escaping. No negotiating with the feeling. No choice. It was my first love. It changed my life. Back then, my mind would wander to the women I had been with. The ones I cared for and thought I was in love with. I reminisced about the sentimental songs I enjoyed when I was a teenager. The ones I played when I experienced a girl too quickly. Imagine being thrown from a plane. I wasn’t in a plane though. I was in a Nissan Maxima. The same car I packed up with bags and drove to Los Angeles in. I sat there and told my friend how I felt. I wept as the words left my mouth. I grieved for them, know I could never take them back for myself. He patted my back. He said kind things. He did his best, but he wouldn’t admit the same. He had to go back inside soon. I was late and his girlfriend was waiting for him upstairs. He wouldn’t tell me the truth about his feelings for me for another 3 years. I felt like I’d only imagined reciprocity for years. Now imagine being thrown from a cliff. No. I wasn’t on a cliff. I was still in my car telling myself it was gonna be fine and to take deep breaths. I took the breaths and carried on. I kept up a peculiar friendship with him because I couldn’t imagine keeping up my life without him. I struggled to master myself and my emotions. I wasn’t always successful.
The dance went on.. I kept the rhythm for several Summers after. It’s Winter now. I’m typing this on a plane back to Los Angeles from New Orleans. I flew home for another marred Christmas. I have a windowseat. It’s December 27, 2011. By now, I’ve written two albums. This being the second. I wrote to keep myself busy and sane. I wanted to create worlds that were rosier than mine. I tried to channel overwhelming emotions. I’m surprised at how far all of it has taken me. Before writing this, I’d told some people my story. I’m sure these people kept me alive. Kept me safe… sincerely. These are the folks I wanna thank from the floor of my heart. Everyone of you knows who you are.. Great humans. Probably angels. I don’t know what happens now, and that’s alright. I don’t have any secrets I need kept anymore. There’s probably some small shit still, but you know what I mean. I was never alone, as much as I felt like it..As much as I still do sometimes. I never was. I don’t think I ever could be. Thanks. To my first love, I’m grateful for you. Grateful that even though it wasn’t what I had hoped for and even though it was never enough, it was. Some things never are…And we were. I won’t forget you. I won’t forget the Summer..I’ll remember who I was when I met you. I’ll remember who you were and how we both changed and stayed the same. I’ve never had more respect for life and living than I have right now. Maybe it takes a near death experience to feel alive. Thanks. To my mother, you raised me strong. I know I’m only brave because you were first…So thank you. All of you. For everything good. I feel like a free man. If I listen closely, I can hear the sky falling too.
Russell Simmons also offered words of encouragement in a blog post titled, ‘The Courage of Frank Ocean Just Changed The Game‘ :
I am profoundly moved by the courage and honesty of Frank Ocean. Your decision to go public about your sexual orientation gives hope and light to so many young people still living in fear. These type of secrets should not matter anymore, but we know they do, and because of that I decided to write this short statement of support for one of the greatest new artists we have.
His gifts are undeniable. His talent, enormous. His bravery, incredible. His actions this morning will uplift our consciousness and allow us to become better people.Every single one of us is born with peace and tranquility in our heart. Frank just found his.
Frank, we thank you. We support you. We love you.